Strength In You
by Saruvi
Summary: Hisoka has a nightmare, he calls out to Tsuzuki, who comes to comfort him, which leads to thoughts and confessions.


**Disclaimer:** Yami No Matsuei and the characters Hisoka Kurosaki and Asato Tsuzuki are the property of Yoko Matsushita, though this is the cause for the need of therapy.

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"Tsuzuki!!"

Hisoka's panicked cry shattered the quiet in the apartment they had begun sharing since the events in Kyoto a year before. Tsuzuki rolled out of his bed, hitting the floor with a loud 'umph', clutching his head, he stood up and made his way out of his bedroom and across the hallway to Hisoka's room.

Opening the door, he saw Hisoka's form sitting up in bed, the thin shoulders visibly shaking in the light streaming through the curtains from the moon. His emerald eyes glittered like jewels from the wetness of his tears. His golden brown hair was illuminated from the moonlight, making him look like an angel, despite the tenseness of his body.

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki whispered as he made his way to the bed.

Hisoka looked up at him. Tears streaming down his face as he held his arms out to him like a child would to his mother after a bad nightmare. Sometimes, Tsuzuki could see the child that still lived within Hisoka. The child that had been forced to grow up too soon in a basement cell.

It made Tsuzuki secretly smile to himself seeing Hisoka holding out his arms for him. Knowing how hard it was Hisoka to admit to wanting comfort from someone. To openly show that he wanted to be held. Needed to be held by the one person who had always been there for him. The one person who could make everything better.

Tsuzuki sat down on the edge of the bed and took Hisoka into a warm embrace. Hisoka buried his face in Tsuzuki's neck, sobbing quietly as he wrapped his thin arms around the older man's back. Tsuzuki gently rubbed Hisoka's back, his hand moving in small, comforting circles against the boy's back.

Hisoka's nightmares had taken a turn from Muraki and the night under a blood red moon to the lab under the Shion University engulfed in Touda's flames. The thought of losing the sugar-craving shinigami tore at Hisoka, breaking down his carefully constructed shields and icy demeanor to stab at his heart and soul. It was an awakening to himself. A shock to his system to realize how very much he had come to care for his partner.

Tsuzuki hadn't realized how much Hisoka cared. That was until he had thrown himself into the middle of those blazing flames to beg him to stay with him, for him. To live for him. To not let him be alone anymore.

Tsuzuki had been so tired of _everything_. So tired of _living_. Of _hurting_, himself and others. Voices swarming around his head calling him everything from a murderer to a demon. He was so awfully tired of it all. Of his very existence. Of the color of his eyes. Of his loneliness. But he hadn't imagined that his weariness could be eclipsed by Hisoka's own memories of pain and loneliness.

If Tsuzuki had thought he cared for Hisoka before Kyoto, it was nothing to compared to how he began to feel when Hisoka threw himself into those flames, ready to die with him. It made his heart swell thinking about it. All he wanted was to be with this one boy. To love him for eternity. To hold him in his arms, comfort him, to whisper just how _much_ he loved him.

Everynight, they would sit there, on Hisoka's bed, waiting for his sobs to die down, for his body to stop shaking from the aftermath of his nightmare. Several times, the thought of confessing to Tsuzuki about how much he actually loved the man crossed Hisoka's mind, only to be pushed far away. With his empathy, he knew just how Tsuzuki felt for him. That he loved him. But Hisoka's mind and heart still feared that he would be rejected if he told him that he loved him.

The next morning, they would just go on about their daily routines. Get up, shower, dress for work, eat breakfast, head to the office. The wouldn't discuss what happened the night before. They wouldn't bring up the word 'love'. They would just go on about their day without bringing up the possibility that they were in love with one another.

They never talked about forever. They lived in the same apartment. Ate dinner together. Spent all their free and working times together. The apartment they shared had two bedrooms, so they each had their own room. Though, sometimes, unknown to each other, they both would wish that they could cross the line of separation into unity and confess their feelings for one another. As it stood now, the only intimate contact they ever had with each other was during Hisoka's nightmares. When he would cry out for Tsuzuki, and then bury himself in the comforting presence of the older man.

It did seem to Hisoka that what they felt for one another was much greater than love. Much greater than the want and need to be with the other. To just stay with each other. Though, to put a name on it he would have to call it love. Even if that was too simple a word to denote the depth of the emotion he felt for Tsuzuki.

Hisoka's sobs slowly came to a halt as the shaking of his body ceased. He hiccuped against the flesh of Tsuzuki's neck, the warmth of his breath on the skin causing Tsuzuki's heart rate to speed up. Hisoka's arms tightened around Tsuzuki.

"Asato," Hisoka whispered, pulling his face away from Tsuzuki's neck to look up into the man's glittering amethyst colored eyes.

Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka, his eyes questioning in the semi-darkness of Hisoka's bedroom. His arms tightening around the smaller body he held.

Hisoka let out a sigh. He started trembling in Tsuzuki's embrace. Hisoka seemed to be battling a war inside himself. His small mouth had opened and closed twice, the last time he expelled an irritated sigh. Tsuzuki knew it was not directed at him but at Hisoka himself. Tsuzuki looked into the beautiful emerald depths of his smaller shinigami's eyes. He softly squeezed Hisoka's arms, letting him know he would be there waiting to hear what he so obviously had to say to him.

Tsuzuki's thoughts were right. Hisoka was waging an internal battle within himself. Could he step out of the cocoon of fear he had lived inside for so long to tell the one person he loved his feelings? Was his love for Tsuzuki, the man who was his savior, best friend, family, everything he had ever wanted and needed greater than his hatred for Muraki and his parents, the people who had tortured, shunned, killed him, the people who had taken everything away from him?

Before Hisoka's mind could answer, his heart flooded with warmth, and his soul sighed, a slow, warming answer of _yes_. The feelings he had for Tsuzuki overrode all other feelings he held within himself. It washed away the anger, the hurt, the pain. It encompassed the loneliness, wrapping around his insides. Warming him. Covering him in feelings of safety. The rightness of it all took his breath away.

Tears formed in the corners of his eyes. Tsuzuki was confused for a moment as he watched the tears fall silently down Hisoka's pale cheeks.

"Soka?"

Hisoka exhaled a long breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He buried his face in Tsuzuki's neck once again. Murmuring his apology for his tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm such a baby," he cried.

Strong fingers took his chin into them, tilting his head up so he was looking directly into Tsuzuki's face. His eyes questioning, searching the older shinigami's eyes for the emotions that Hisoka felt radiating off the man. He wrapped his empathy around those emotions. Taking the feelings into himself. Combining them with his own. They were the same. And then, Tsuzuki brought his mouth down to meet Hisoka's in a soul-searing kiss that promised _nothing_ could hurt him. Nothing could take them away from each other. They would always be one.

Hisoka thought how much different this kiss was compared to another kiss he had been given long ago on a tragic night by a cruel doctor under a red moon. To his amazement, he wasn't afraid when Tsuzuki's tongue met his lips, silently asking for entrance. He parted his lips with a breathy moan. Allowing the older man to slip his tongue into his mouth. He gladly pressed his own tongue against Tsuzuki's in a sensual dance of two people forever bound to one another.

Much to his disappointment, Tsuzuki broke the kiss. His lips trailed along Hisoka's jawline as the boy inhaled sharply. Bringing his hands up, he thread his fingers into Tsuzuki's dark brown hair and moaned as he felt a hot tongue slip out to slide down to his collarbone.

"Hisoka, it's alright to cry," Tsuzuki whispered against his neck. His breath hot against the wet trail his tongue had left on his flesh. "It's alright to show emotions, to need comfort. To want comfort. To no longer want to be alone. To no longer want to be afraid."

Hisoka brought his hands down to run up and down Tsuzuki's strong back. He needed to tell him. He wanted to let him know that neither of them were alone anymore. Neither of them would be.

"Soka, you're so sweet. So beautiful. I love you so much. I've loved you for so long. But I didn't know how to let you know. If you were ready to hear it. I can't hold it in anymore. I need you to know how I feel. Everynight, we do this, then we go on like nothing happened. I need to move past this. To show you how much you mean to me. How much I truly love you. Everything about you," Tsuzuki whispered against his throat.

"Asato, I.. I..," Hisoka broke off as Tsuzuki kissed along his neck again. He gasped as the words sunk into his heart. Into his very being. He was deciding that if Tsuzuki could step out into the heat of vulnerability, he could do the same. But, even though he had come to the conclusion that he loved this man with everything he was, a part, albeit a small part of himself, was still frightened by past hurts.

Tsuzuki gasped against his neck as Hisoka pushed him down into the mattress. Fitting his smaller body on top of his. He ran his hands up and down the length of Hisoka's back, resting them on the boy's hips as Hisoka straddled him.

"I love you, Asato. I've loved you since before Kyoto. I was afraid to let you know. To feel these emotions inside myself. I didn't know how to let them out. I was shown loving and feeling meant being hurt. Showing emotions allowed you to be broken. I'm not broken anymore though. You saved me. From everything that haunted me in my past. I love you so so much," Hisoka said, his voice filled with feeling, as he leaned down to claim Tsuzuki's lips with his own.

The two shinigami wrapped themselves in each other. Revelling in the feelings of love they had for one another. They both knew that the next morning, when they woke up, they wouldn't push what had happened this night aside. They wouldn't ignore all the feelings they had made a reality. They knew things wouldn't change much from the way they were now. They would always be together. They would go through their daily routines. Get up, shower, dress for work, eat breakfast, head to the office.

But, one thing _would _change. They would be more open with the other. They would smile more, Hisoka wouldn't pull away when his hand came in contact with Tsuzuki. He would blush, and offer a small smile to the older shinigami, who would in turn smile back. A genuine smile forming on both of their lips, as thoughts of love and promises flowed through their heart and souls.

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This is my first story for Yami no Matsuei. I wrote it over the course of 3 and half hours and I had my boyfriend read each paragraph as I wrote it. Even though he was trying to play a video game, I still bugged him to read it since I am obsessive about having no confidence lol.


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